Limits: the frustration of having them

I’m allowed to have limits, but I’m not very happy about it. Having limits give me the feeling of not completely surrendering myself to Master. I know that some limits are actually quite normal, as in he is not allowed to cut off limbs or killing me… but I have more limits, also ‘softer’ limits. I’m quite claustrophobic and being locked up for a long time in a cage or cellar is a limit to me. Also needles, heavy electro play, drinking his piss are limits to me. I know that Master doesn’t like needle play himself, so that’s not a problem, but I do have the feeling that with some of my limits I’m holding myself from total surrender. I think it’s the same as having safe words. When we started playing I had safe words, I hated it to use them of course and I only used them once or twice…..but the idea of having a little control irritates me. I don’t want that control and at the same time I do want a little control. I’m afraid when I have no safe words things go too far and I’ll stop liking bdsm and being his slave. The same goes for limits. I like the idea of having no limits, but what if he starts to do things I’m really afraid of, or things I can’t handle at all? Continue reading

Testing the new whip and begging

Remember that Master bought a new whip? Not a mean one…. But a nice one? Well he tested it on me and the whip certainly doesn’t hurt. It’s a very good whip for warming up. It feels very dull when it lands. Even when he hits really hard, putting his full body weight in the stroke…. It only hurts a little. So yeah, like I said a good warming up whip… Of course, Master is a very sadistic bastard…so he tried other possibilities to hurt me with that whip. Mean as he is, he turned the whip around and hit me with the cord at the end of the grip. Ouchhh!! That nasty little thing hurts! Continue reading

Bdsm Meeting

3 times a year I organise a bdsm meeting with a friend. Yesterday we had our eighth meeting and it was a big success. With a public of 70 people, it was our busiest meeting ever. (usually 50 people attend our meeting) Really cool to see that more people want to come and that everyone had a nice time.  Continue reading